How to make my kids find happiness independently?

This is my own personal demon that I try to get rid of as soon as possible with respect to to adults. Many adults have the habit of depending on someone else for their happiness!

I dread such relationships and friendships.

Initially it may seem really friendly, then it turns habitual and later it becomes a burden. It here refers to the dependence on your friend or someone other for your own happiness.

It’s a natural phenomenon I guess and many will disagree whole heartedly here but this is my personal view. I detest suckers who slowly start to suck the positivity and later your energy in the name of their seek for happiness.

There are people who will compulsorily call everyday in the name of friendship. There will be others who will forcibly want to come to your home or call you to their home every second day for a talk or tea. These people really are lost. They seek happiness through you. For them someone else is responsible for their happiness, including day to day peace. They want your opinion for their tiniest decision to the biggest one. Slowly they will not move an inch unless you nod your head.

At the beginning you may feel really important but gradually this turns into irritation and finally into a parasitic dependence. Yes this is the word which dreads me the most.

When someone big is dependent on me for their happiness, for their security or their existence it bothers me terribly. May be because I like to take decisions on my own and live its consequences too. May be because in my childhood we were given the independence to think and act and bear the outcomes. We were allowed to play whatever we wanted to, read whatever books we could lay our hands to and participate in whatever we wished. I think freedom in childhood is what turns an adult into an independent or a dependent person seeking for their happiness from the outside world and others. I am thankful to my parents for giving us kids that freedom and making us independent.

I prefer it this way. There are many who still wish to get a daily dose of instructions from their parents to lead their day to day life! I do not blame these adults but their parents.

It is your duty as a parents to make your kids independent in their thought, action and then take the responsibility of the outcome as early as possible. Else you will be responsible for creating a dependent and most probably unhappy adult out of your child.

So how to make your kids find their happiness themselves without waiting for your presence.

·         Give your kids freedom to play whatever they want to after they have done their studies.

o   DO not sit and decide what they will play and how they will play once the basic rules are laid.

o   Do not play with them compulsorily out of guilt. Leave your child alone after you have given a good 30 min of your time.

o   Call other kids or send your kids but do not assume you can be their playmate always. Once in a while it ok but making it a habit is bad for you and your child in future.

·         Make sure your kids take up an activity after school.

o   Most single child who do not go to any day care centers or are not participating in any group activities after school tend to be dependent on their parents.

o   A regular and group based activity is preferable.

·         Find out your child’s interest and encourage him/her to develop it as a hobby.

o   Busy kids are always happier same with adults J.

·         Encourage your child in sorting out their problems as much themselves.

o   Tiny fights and arguments they must be allowed to handle on their own.

o   Do not interfere between children’s fights. That is a great way to learn how to be social in future too.

o   Keep a watch of course on bullies and not let your kid bully anyone. (Bullying, ragging or hazing (as called in US) is a crime but is there a law yet? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ragging_in_India.)

o   Teach them the importance of discussing everything with you. Even as young as class 2-class 3 may be facing peer problems. Try to find out and tell them stories as to how you too faced the similar situation and how you told your parents and finally what are the ways to handle these problems.

o   Do not ignore their worries as childish or that everyone goes through it. Remember with time, kids have become over sensitive and take things more personally than in our days.

·         Teach them handling their own clothes, books, bags and toys as early. These tiny exercises will keep them actively busy and also independent. Later you can appreciate their effort and when they are away redo it if necessary.

·         Let your kids go and play on their own. Do not be their shadow all the time. They need to know that in times of need you will be there to help them, but not stunt their growth under your shadow. I have seen mothers sitting in the play areas with 7-8 year olds!

·         Encourage your child to start early money management. Many adults learn to make money all their life but do not ever learn to save or invest ever. That is because their parents kept them away from this important fact of life. Such adults then have to either dependent on someone else to take care of their money or just live a life leaving nothing for their own old age, leave alone anything for their kids!