“Mom is there a God?”, my son asked me once again yesterday. I was busy watching “Grey’s Anatomy” where something emotional was being shown about a lady wanting mercy death, the husband not keen but the doctors bound by the law as the wife had signed some will to be allowed. Since I watch the previous day’s recordings, I switched the TV off.

After moving around the room in the hope of getting a good answer out of my head, I finally had to sit down. This a question, even I am wondering so it is not easy to answer at all.  Because knowing him, whatever answer I give him, he will live with it for life. He is like a sponge for information. And once he has soaked in something, it is extremely difficult to unlearn for him. So I have to give him the answers that are best possible answer the first time itself. The other option was to postpone the answer.

But I knew where it was coming from inside his brain these thoughts and since it was going to be bedtime, his brain will work on it overnight too whether I give him an answer or not.

Now I am not an atheist at all. I am a believer. May be not like most people but I am a believer. I believe in having faith is a very important thing in one’s life. To be able to count on faith when everything is going against me, to be able to count on faith when it seems I am alone and in such hard times only two things help. My family and my faith. (I count my closest friends as my family)

Like everyone I have faith in the possibility of the combined positive energies of everyone’s thoughts including mine. I believe in the existence of several energies and forces that are able to transform the brain waves or maybe even make chemical changes in the body triggered by these waves etc. etc.

I am a partial heretic and a nonconformist when it comes to the religious ceremonies and rituals. Partially because when the rituals have a hidden benefit for the mankind in general, I follow it. But when it’s totally ridiculous and the origin may be some past need which is no more valid today, I choose to act accordingly.

These are my thoughts and beliefs. I choose to act and also bear the consequences willingly. But when it comes to my own children, I do not want to impel them to believe what I believe. I can only motivate them to think logically.

So this is how our conversation went:

“Mom, is there a God?”, he asked.

“Why what happened?”, I was buying time and also wanting to know the source of his curiosity.

“I heard you talk to xxx that you did not believe in God and religious ceremonies. But then you took us to the temple the other day! Why do you want to go to temple but not believe in God?”, he was confused rightly.

So after a tight hug and good cuddle, I made him sit close to me. I put a hand around his shoulder, to be able to be close physically and mentally and probably in the hope to understand the vibes emanating out of him.

“Yes Sholu, if I were in your place I would be asking the same questions.” Taking him into an agreement, I replied.

“Why I do not believe in religious ceremonies is because they have lost the meaning of their existence today. Every ceremony was a reason for the people to come together from far off places to meet their relatives. But in today’s time with phone and internet we are in touch every day with people we are interested in. Marriage still calls for these gatherings tell the relatives and the world that the two people are not legally allowed to live together and reproduce. But there are many ceremonies followed in the marriage before and after that no more have any meaning anymore. So that is why I follow a few ceremonies like the modified Raksha Bandhan where you both tie Rakhi to each other and on to my wrist as a promise to take care of each other and anyone in need. So tomorrow if you see someone else’s mom in need, you must help her. You have to help people in need.” I knew he understood this as we had been through it earlier.

“I do believe in God, just that my God is not same as many peoples God.”

“Like everyone I too need someone to have faith on when I need it.”

“Like Papa believes in “Hanuman ji”, Nani ji believes in “all Gods”, your friend Amaan believes in “Allah”,  Mary aunty believes in “Jesus”, Akraant believes in “Gurunank Saheb”, I too believe in my God.”

“It’s just that my belief does not have a picture or a face yet. I believe its like a force so maybe I will imagine it to be picture like a lightening bolt or similar!” I smiled, as I was getting closer to my own questions.

“Mom, I think I will draw a picture of your God for you.”,  my son was now excited.

“Why?”, I asked now that he was thinking the way I would be really proud of.

“Then you also can focus on your God easily. Then we will keep it in the “Mandir” next to another God.” He mentioned casually.

I was by now thinking how right he was. I did need this picture and maybe that is the reason everyone else needs a face! A face to be able to connect with in times of hardships.  To have faith in someone that is more easy to recollect than an abstract even if it’s a” Force or Energy”.

“Then why do you want to go to the temples?” He suddenly remembered.

“Well that is because inside a temple everyone is thinking and being positive. So the energies inside the temple is very high and pure. It is like taking a bath in the sea of positive energies. I go there for that dip. And take you both along so that you too can get all of the beautiful positive energy.” This was good enough for him as we had discussed energy and the presence of waves like microwaves, radio waves, sound waves etc. so sometime back. So he knows that invisible waves and energies allow him to talk over a phone, cook food, produce current, keep him grounded to the earth.

He gave me a tight good night hug and kissed him on his chubby cheeks.  But the question that he asked not just was answered to him but to me as well.

My faith is my God and My faith needs a face.

Today he will draw a picture of my God and I am super excited to see.