My child does not let me change his school!
By Madhurie Singh, October 19, 2012
That's a questionable statement as to who is the parent then?
You or your child?
Many parents say that they want to change the school of their child but their child does not let them!!!!!
I wonder at such statements always about the authority of the parents over their child. You need not go to any extremes to prove your authority. You can be balanced by being friendly most of the time yet take control of the situation when needed.
I laugh and also get angry at parents who say that my child decides what to wear, what to eat and when to study????
I have changes 6 schools. Many parents ask me if my sons complained or did not want to shift. Not once did either of my sons complained. Its only because I have always discussed every thing promising and contradicting to the schools before plunging into the decision with them. Also I have taken the brunt of the failures too with equal responsibility which gives them that confidence in my decisions.
There are parents of teens who say, if I tell my child something, he/she not only shouts back at me but also stops talking to me or complains to my husband who then scolds me! LOL!
Ok to come to teen stage, you must first understand where you went wrong in the childhood stage of your kid.
Its natural for anyone to rule you if you let them rule you! There may be several reasons to let someone rule you in a relationship. But when we talk about a parent-child relationship, the maximum onus is on the mother always!
However is your nature or type of relation with other members of your family, you need to take control of the relationship with your child.
But if you start giving up or giving in from the toddler days of your child, you know who will rule who in future.
Now, if you are really not ready to take control of the parental responsibility, it will definitely lead to a slow but sure handing over your respect and reigns to your child.
Whatever may be the reason, yes whatever reason you can give, whatever excuse arise in your mind, this is one relationship which you have full control of as you are spending maximum time and energy here.
Make the best and most positive one.
Now in order to control your relation with your children,
- You must be confident always. Have answers ready for most questions they ask. ( Google and find answers incase you donot know. Ask me if you can.)
- Be ready to explore and seek knowledge for the sake of your child. ( I have now started seeking the why's of many math concept for my sons.)
- Learn to change your thinking with that of time and not force your thoughts upon your child. ( I thought I would buy Tab for my kids when they goto class 8, but looking at the need and advantages, I bought it now when they are in class 4 and 2 !)
- Allow your child to talk and discuss. (everyday I ask and my sons tell me how they spent their day in school. In future their wives will also be happy with this habit ;)).
- Be honest with your child always. They will be honest with you always. (I had once asked my older one to tell someone on phone that I was not at home, and he shouted back," but mom do you want me to lie!" Imagine my embarrassement in front of my own kids. Kids however small can slowly find out and see through your words if you are telling them truth or a blatant lie.)
- Let your child choose between two good options that you lay in front of him/her to encourage controlled independence. (The trick is to not give them more than two options ever. Even research proves that too many options leads to confusion and finally no decision making. Slowly your kids will not demand but learn to exercise their right to choose.)
- Show and prove by example. Parents are and always will be the most important role models for the kids. (Every word, every action and every thought should be confident and for the betterment of you and your child.)
- Discuss your plans with your children. This gives confidence and encourages your child too to discuss their plans. (Its ok to discuss your worries with your child. It will help them understand that you need help too and most important understaning from them.)
- Similarly, discuss your worries and problems and you will be surprised at the solution they can think of which never will occur to you!
- Ask your child about pro and con not when in deep trouble times, but when everything is going fine. That will help you take decision when in in difficulty.
- Scold them when they are wrong or when they try to bully you or when you think they are wrong. Showing your child their mistake and then the ways to correct it is a very important step.
- Give respect to your child, talk good things only infront of your relatives and neighbors, praise their good behaviors always in front of them and in public but discourage their bad deeds in private will do wonders.
- Give them the confidence that you will always be besides them no matter what! That is called family!
Try these steps and see how your relationship with your child slowly changes to a beautiful, trusting and respectful one. Then when you discuss and there is a need to change the school or anything will be mutual.