Read the Chapter 2 – Why Parents Should Not Blame Themselves For Screen Addiction

Namaste dear parents,

I want to begin by sharing a small pandemic story of 2020 -2023, from my own life, one that reminded me just how easy screen habits can take root.

During the lockdown, our family of four was stuck inside our 3 BHK flat. My husband, managing his company remotely, held constant loud Zoom calls. My sons had online classes in their rooms. Needing quiet, I used headphones and began scrolling through my phone. What started as “just 10 minutes” turned into a daily habit. I could not watch TV but definitely use mobile phone for watching movies, podcasts, short videos and social media content. I was addicted before I knew.

My boys experienced the same. Their teachers, new to online teaching, delivered long, monotonous lectures with students’ cameras off. They often dozed off, and I couldn’t monitor them while juggling kitchen and home tasks. Before I knew it, screens had become our emotional go-to.

This wasn’t laziness or weakness—it was an environment shaped by noise, stress, and the need for stimulation. That’s why I want to explore why children get addicted to screens and how Indian parents can help guide them back.

🌿 The Dopamine Cycle — Why Screens Trap Children’s Brains

When your child watches a fun video or wins a game, their brain releases happy chemicals that make them want to do it again. Screens trigger dopamine, our “feel-good” neurochemical, similarly to how survival activities did centuries ago. Every game won, cartoon watched, or like received triggers a dopamine rush. This dopamine cycle—action → reward → repetition—makes apps and videos feel irresistible. Over time, even simple activities like reading or playing become dull. Recognising this cycle as brain chemistry, not misbehaviour, empowers us to respond with compassion, not scolding. If you take away screens all at once, children feel upset because their brain misses the happy feeling the screen gave them.

(Read my detailed post on Dopamine Reward Cycle here and in the previous chapter)

⚡ Instant Gratification — Why Screens Hook Kids Fast

Instant gratification means getting pleasure immediately. Screens offer this nonstop:

• Win a game—instant “ding!”
• Swipe a new video—instant surprise
• Get a like—instant approval

Beyond Screens, also Instant Gratification is quite common when it comes to children and parents.

• Want an ice cream – Swiggy it
• Want a new toy – Amazon it
• Want to go to a mall – call Ola cabs

Getting fast rewards from screens makes children want everything quickly. They find it harder to wait or be patient. As a result, our brains have now evolved to crave even low-effort rewards, but life doesn’t usually offer that.

Studies, including a pilot study on digital natives, show that children exposed to constant automatic rewards struggle to delay gratification and often show impulsive behaviour. Even infants as young as 22 months recognise the difference between instant and delayed rewards, as shown by “violation-of-expectation” tasks nature.com. Research Paper on Instant Gratification.

Ancient Story On Instant Gratification: The Rice Bowl

In the Mahabharata, a king tested his princes by giving one a bowl of rice ready to eat and another that needed cooking first. The impatient prince chose the ready one, while the patient prince waited. Years later, the patient one ruled wisely, teaching that delayed rewards build discipline and wisdom, just like resisting screen temptations helps build focus in our children. Now I am also wondering, the Marshmallow Study conducted by Walter Mischel at Stanford University in the 1960s and early 1970s was copied from the Mahabharata! Why not? That’s when the British had been studying Ancient Bharatiya Texts in Samskrita and researching them, designing their own version, without giving credit to the original sources.

💔 Loneliness and Screen Bonding — The Emotional Connection

Post-pandemic, many children feel isolated—no cousins, few friends, and little adult attention. Screens step in:

• Cartoon characters offer comfort
• Games provide social simulation
• Online connections fill emotional gaps

Research shows that digital “companionship” activates the same brain areas as human bonding. This emotional attachment makes screen removal feel like a loss.

Heartfelt Story

In my coaching group, one parent shared that her eight-year-old daughter cried after school because “Zoom friends” were easier than classroom friends. Screens became a safe retreat. When the parent understood that the child needed love and friends, not just the screen, she started spending more time listening and doing fun activities with the child. Recognising this emotional need of her child, changed how the parent guided the child, introducing real-world play and empathetic listening.

📱 Today’s Screens vs. Past TV

Our childhood TVs were passive, finite, and unscripted. Today’s devices are:

• Interactive (touch, move)
• Fast-paced (quick clips, instant updates)
• Designed with variable rewards (like slot machines)
• Endless (autoplay, recommendations)

Neuroscience-based app design makes even adults vulnerable. With no boundaries, children feel lost in an infinite dopamine loop.

🚫 Why Limiting Screens Feels So Hard

When we remove screens:

• Dopamine drops suddenly → child feels low, bored, upset
• The brain craves the quick reward it can’t access
• Behaviours escalate—tantrums, clinginess, anger

This isn’t defiance—it’s withdrawal from a reward. Scientific understanding helps us stay calm and patient. If you take away screens all at once, children feel upset because their brain misses the happy feeling the screen gave them. This is also known as withdrawal symptoms, which you have probably heard when someone is trying to stop drug addiction. Ultimately, our brain addiction centre is the same, be it drugs or smoke or alcohol or gaming or screen.

🚫 Why Scolding Doesn’t Work

When we scold:

“I’ve told you so many times—no phone!”

We ignite shame and secrecy. Children may hide their use and dig in deeper. If you shout at your child about screen time, they stop listening and may start hiding it from you. Because Scolding triggers resistance rather than learning. You must be thinking, easier to say! I agree.

👉 What works better:

• Calm explanations: “Screens affect your brain and mood”
• Friendly rules, e.g. “Phone after homework”
• Fun alternatives—outdoor play, crafts
• Redirect attention with love, not force

📜 Sanskrit Wisdom — A Shloka on Self-Control

Bhagavad Gita 6.16:
“नात्यश्नतस्तु योगोऽस्ति न चैकान्तमनश्नतः…”
Meaning: Too much or too little of anything breaks harmony. Screen moderation aligns with this timeless wisdom.

📖 Ancient Story: Yudhishthira’s Dice Lesson

In the Mahabharata, Yudhishthira loses a dice game due to attachment. He advises:
“We must first understand our own nature before we conquer it.”
To help screen-bound children, we must first understand why they crave screens. Is it loneliness, craving, sadness?

💖 My Views — Harmony of Ancient Wisdom & Modern Science

Screens are neither good nor evil—they are tools. But to help children live balanced lives, we must guide them with:

• Modern understanding of dopamine & gratification delay
• Ancient wisdom teaches self-control and awareness
• Compassionate, consistent parenting

Let’s prepare our children for a digital future—empowered, disciplined, and connected.

🛠️ What Can Indian Parents Do?

Join The Trusted Parents Whatsapp Group Here

Fill The Google Form To Connect With Madhurie Singh or Join the Trusted Parents Circle

Join The Screen De-Addiction Course Here

How To Apply For School Transfer Certificate, TC ?

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✍️ About the Author

Madhurie Singh is India’s leading education and parenting expert, a school reviewer, computer engineer, Sanskrit scholar, and founder of Trusted Parents. Through ancient wisdom and modern science, she helps parents raise mindful, values-driven children in a digital-first world.