“Why did I give the phone to my toddler so early?” “Why did I not control their TV habits when they were small?” “Why couldn’t I play more physical games with my child?” “Why did I let them get hooked to mobile so easily?”
I know — because almost every parent I meet — especially Indian mothers — feels this guilt. And yes — I have been there too. This is called Parenting guilt. Big deal?
When my children were small, they were just 1.5 years apart — two toddlers at the same time! There were days when I had no help at home, no elder to support me, and so many tasks to manage — cooking, feeding, cleaning, bathing both babies.
Some days I was so exhausted, that the only thing I could do was to switch on the TV and put on Baby Mozart, Baby Van Gogh, Baby Einstein DVDs — just so I could have 20–30 minutes to breathe, to get a meal ready, or simply to sit and hold one child while the other was calm.
At that time, it felt like survival. Also I thought I was a very smart mother who was showing music, art and science to the toddlers. Hahaha Incase you want the DVDs you can buy it from me.
Later — of course — the guilt came: “Did I spoil them with TV? Should I have done something else?”
But now, after years of learning and experience, I can tell you — guilt does not help. Also, if you think deeply, one guilt is over, another pops up. hahaha And I want to show you how to move from guilt → to calm, confident parenting.
🌿 Why Do Parents Feel So Guilty These Days?
Our lives have changed so much from how our parents raised us: ✅ Nuclear families ✅ No joint family help ✅ Both parents working ✅ No easy outdoor play spaces ✅ Social media pressures ✅ Schools giving online work — even in KG!
In this busy modern life, what happens?
Some days we are tired. Some days we need a break. Some days we feel helpless. It’s normal to have parenting guilt.
And so — ✅ The phone gets given. ✅ The TV is left on. ✅ The tablet comes out at the restaurant.
At that moment, it feels like survival. Well, when you live in a nuclear family, away from all relatives, what else can you do.
But later, the guilt creeps in: “Did I damage my child?” “Am I a bad parent?”
But “ab pachtaaye hot kya jab chidiya chug gayi dana “
🧠 Why Guilt Happens — The Science
When we feel guilty, our brain goes into “protection” mode. It tries to say: “Next time, do better!”
BUT — too much guilt has the opposite effect:
It raises stress hormones (cortisol)
It clouds our thinking
It lowers patience
It makes us tired, and the cycle repeats
So guilt does NOT help us become better parents — it blocks us from being calm, loving, and confident.
🚫 Common Parenting Guilt Examples — You Are Not Alone!
1️⃣ “Why did I give the phone to my toddler?”
At that moment, you needed 30 mins to cook, or to rest, or just to survive. That is okay. You did the best you could.
👉 You can always change the habit — with small steps — today.
2️⃣ “Why couldn’t I spend more time when my baby was small?”
Working moms, mothers of two close-in-age kids — we all feel this.
👉 The truth is: what matters more is what you do NOW, not what happened 3 years ago. You can always rebuild the connection. No one is perfect. I bet you were anrgy at your parents too when you were a child, especially as a teenager.
3️⃣ “Why did I let my child watch TV alone?”
Some days, there was no other option. You needed time to manage life. Chill!
👉 Now, you can bring more balance, little by little.
4️⃣ “Why didn’t I control mobile habits earlier?”
None of us knew how fast these screen habits could grow. Even today, the digital world keeps changing.
👉 Instead of guilt, ask: “What can I do from today?”
5️⃣ “Why didn’t I play more physical games with my child?”
Some days, your health may not have allowed it. Some days, life was too much.
Honestly, I was 33 when my first son was born. I recall my younger one, who was just 6 years old, had told my father that “He will marry early and have children early so that he can play with his children!” Imagine my heart back then!
👉 Start today — even 10 minutes of play now will bring huge joy to your child.
✨ How to Stop Feeling Parenting Guilt
1️⃣ Accept That Parenting Is Hard
Our generation is raising children in a fast, digital, stressful world — nothing like what our parents faced.
👉 It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to have days that didn’t go perfectly.
2️⃣ Practice Self-Compassion
When guilt comes, pause. Tell yourself: “I did the best I could at that time.” “I can learn and improve.” “I am a good parent — learning every day.”
📚 (Frontiers in Psychology — self-compassion in parenting)
3️⃣ Focus on “What Can I Do Today?”
The past is done. What matters is today: Remember the saying “Jab Jago, tabhi Savera”
👉 Can I sit for 10 mins of no-screen play? 👉 Can I give 1 hug more? 👉 Can I add one outdoor game this week?
4️⃣ Drop Comparison
No one is living a perfect parenting life — even if Instagram shows you one.
👉 Your child needs YOU, not some “perfect” version of you.
💖 Final Words
Dear parent — if you feel guilt, it means you care. That already shows you are a good parent.
Remember my story? Yes — I gave the TV DVDs
Yes — I had days where I simply could not “do it all.”
But my children grew up knowing one thing: “My mother loved me. She kept trying. She kept learning.”
That is what matters most. One day, when they have their own children, they will understand too. We all were told by our parents the same.
Release the guilt. Practice kindness toward yourself. Your love is more powerful than any mistake.
Start small — today. And watch how your parenting joy returns. 🌸
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